Refining Moments in Life

The last few months in our life have been life changing and refining and a roller coaster and stressful and happy and encouraging and on and on.  About 2 weeks ago I sort of hit a wall.  I had, had enough of the unknown and lost it.  I cried and I cried hard to poor Rendell about feeling inadequate when it comes to receiving revelation, being a terrible mom who never has enough hours in the day to meet everyone's needs and feeling like we run faster then we have strength on most days and yet I can't think of dropping anything or adjusting much else.  AND THEN I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I AM SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED AND REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT!  Thankfully Rendell handles my emotional outbursts like most things in life, he just finds a solution.  The solution on the night of my meltdown was a priesthood blessing.  I can't say enough about the gratitude I have for the priesthood. Priesthood blessings have always been a direct line of communication for me with Heaven.  What a treasure it was to know that I'm doing what I need to be doing and although I feel very uncertain about our future we're headed in the right direction. That means a lot.   So, now the outburst is over I can focus so much better.

I have had little lessons lately that have kept me focused (a little better anyhow).  Recently, in observing my little ones I have been surprised at the faith, hope and charity they each possess.  It has been another reminder to me of the importance of becoming more like a child. More submissive, meek, and humble.  I love how children "know" they are the best at everything they try.  "I can leap all the way to the sky!" "I can draw a picture just like an artist!"  And they listen to their parents (most of the time) and believe what people tell them.  

During a quiet moment of private prayer with one of my girls last week I learned another lesson.  She was praying like normal, "thank you for this and that.  Please help me with this and that."  And then she said, "Heavenly Father, I am praying to you.  Do you know that I am praying to you right now?"  I thought, "this little girl knows who she is praying to and at this very moment she is hoping to feel His love surround her."  It is ok to pray like that.  Sometimes I just forget (too often)!

And then there are days like this: (I had to secretly run and get my camera because I never wanted to forget this moment!)

when you enter your daughter's room only to find her searching the scriptures for an answer to a question about the Apastasy and the Priesthood.  Really?  How do I get that desire to know and learn back in my life?

Learning these things from my children and after having spent some time with my parents and some of my siblings recently, I feel like I better understand the importance of the family unit.  Don't we all learn from one another? Don't we all have so much to gain from each other?  It is a gift to have been born into a family who love and care for one another and who hope for and pray for one another.  I suppose this is what makes the times in life that are uncertain or down right gut wrenching bearable.